Streetsboro, Ohio: Man walks into a bank and hands the teller a note demanding money. He leaves with money (with dye pack) and his note and flees in dark colored Escort. Police pull over a black Ford Escort and find in the vehicle a .38-caliber pistol and a wad of cash covered in red ink. Police handcuff the now suspect and escort him back to the cruiser where the dashcam picks up the action. Police empty the content of the man’s pockets on to the hood. Man sees large square of white paper (presumed bank robbery note), leans over and gobbles it up. Investigators ask for the note – police review the video and voila! mystery solved.
I wonder if real reporters prefer to follow VP Joe Biden. With barry all you get are pre-sanitized versions of barryblather and teleprompter POTUS and whatever he might have done that wasn’t kosher or made for TV gets embargoed. With Biden – any moment might be a hit column so at least they have something to watch for…like on his recent trip to the Ukraine. Mr Biden, while having a Coke with Ukranian President Victor Yushchenko, remarked on the beautiful scenery:
I cannot believe that a Frenchman visiting Kiev went back home and told his colleagues he discovered something and didn’t say he discovered the most beautiful women in the world; that’s my observation. It’s certain you have so many beautiful women.
Perhaps that’s why Dr Biden preferred he be VP instead of chief head of foreign relations.
Yesterday dave’s top ten was about the 40th Anniversary of the lunar landing and this is how he honored them with his #1:
Aldrin admitted taking one giant leap onto Armstrong’s wife.
How is that funny and to whom?
Then this tired sexist:
Paula Abdul may not be going back to American Idol, which means President Obama will have to nominate a new judge….If Paula does leave, that means the contestants will have to start sleeping with each other.
Today dave chats about barry’s mom jeans.
Fat joke:
President in tight jean was Al Gore’s campaign slogan.
Dyke joke (old standby – not Sotomayor):
Baggy Dad jeans a look popularized, of course, by Rosie O’Donnell.
Hillary joke:
In all honesty, if we’d have wanted a president who looked good in pants, we would have elected Hillary – you know what I mean?
Sexist:
This is Sarah Palin’s last week in office as Governor of Alaska….she’s going back to her old job as IHOP hostess.
Predictable:
Sunday’s a big day – that’s the day she plans to go out on her porch and wave goodbye to Russia….and she’ll run back inside and jiggle the handle.
Left: Spc. Zachery Boyd of Fort Worth, TX, center: Jordan Custer of Spokane, WA and right: Spc. Cecil Montgomery of Many, LA.
In the mountains of east Afghanistan, on May 11th, 19 y/o Army Spc. ZACHARY BOYD of Fort Worth was asleep when his platoon came under attack from the Taliban. He only took the time to put on his vest and his helmet. AP photographer David Guttenfelder (40) just happened to be in position to take a shot of the rest of Boyd’s “uniform”… pink “I Love New York” boxers and flipflops. He bought the boxers when he “stranded in New York”. He called home to tell his parents he made it on the cover of the NY Times but didn’t tell them what eactly he was – or wasn’t – wearing.
Spc Boyd from the front, fully-clothed, arriving home today. - Fort Hood.
He said to his parents:
I may not have a job anymore after the president has seen me out of uniform.
Well, let me tell you, the next time I visit Afghanistan I want to meet Specialist Boyd and shake his hand. Any soldier who goes into battle against the Taliban in pink boxers and flip-flops has a special kind of courage. And I can only wonder about the impact on the Taliban. Just imagine seeing that — a guy in pink boxers and flip-flops has you in his crosshairs — what an incredible innovation in psychological warfare.
I can assure you that Specialist Boyd’s job is very safe indeed.
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Specialist Boyd arrived at Fort Hood this morning. See video of homecoming.
It’s definitely a good feeling to be home… get to see the family on a very important day, of course.
Cubs' skipper, Lou Pinella, known for his dramatic ejections was ejected for the first time last game. He has been getting a lot of heat on talk radio -- especially WGN -- for his passivity - that he's "lost his fire" and how he has said in the press conferences that there's nothing he can do. Well, to start he told Milton Bradley to go home the other night after his tantrum against the SOX. And now he's sitting Soriano - the other sore point. So it appears he's listening to frustrated Cubfans. Wish he would have listened to us about Mark DeRosa.
Anyway he got ejected last night because he knew he was coming home to face the press. In the pre-game press conference, they made note of the fact that this was the longest he had gone without being ejected - since last season. He deadpanned:
"My wife ejected me a couple of times this winter."
Don’t miss barry’s humorous humiliation of the folks who sold their souls to make him president. And the chances they’ll admit to being humiliated?
National Radio and TV Correspondents Dinner — Roast
C-SPAN
Humorist John Hodgman was the entertainment headliner at the 2009 Radio and TV Correspondents’ Dinner. Mr. Hodgman roasted the president for being a “nerd”, referencing his place in popular culture and passion for comics and science fiction.
barry exiles VP Joe Biden and he comes back with a zinger that has ring of truth. Wind knocks down VP Biden’s teleprompter yesterday during his commencement address at the USAF in Colorado Springs. He makes a joke of it. barry panics. Watch the man right off Biden’s elbow. He can’t control himself.
BIDENhas excellent comedic timing.
What am I gonna tell the president I’m gonna tell him his teleprompter is broken.[affected tone] What will he do then?
CNN: “the quip immediately drew laughter and some the loudest cheers of day from the graduates.”.
Here’s an oldie that never fails to entertain. An internet sensation who preceded Susan Boyle. Numa Numa guy Gary Broisma in his bedroom lipsynching. Make sure to watch his eyebrow (0:50). He’s done two encores but they’re not the same.
Imagine if Boehner made a joke about barry's skin color and then could barely stop laughing and then say, wazzup barry?
Never happen, right? Until skin color and stereotype jokes go both ways the Double Standard will remain alive and well.
So it started at the White House Correspondents' Dinner last week barry tried standup...and failed. He was truly laughing AT people - making fun of skin color, being pissed on (Geithner), laughing about Larry Summers' bedtime and sexism, Joe Biden on a leash, Hillary if you can't beat em join em and he apologized to those terrorized by the flyover by laughing that his daughter's did it.
My partisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all we have a lot in common – he is a person of color – although not a color that appears in the natural world. [Laughs the most out of all his jokes.] Wazzup, John?
But Bohner was a good sport, like bring it on, barry. He said Sunday to JOHN KING on CNN’s State of the Union.
As I tell my friends, you only tease the ones you love.
To explain the skin color (does some have to do with a certain imbibed beverage or class of beverage?) he said he likes to spend time outside golfing, walking and gardening.
barry tries to speak from the heart and talk “off the cuff” and realizes that isn’t going to work.
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I am Barack Obama. Some of you covered me. All of you voted for me.
Apologies to the FOX table.
I didn’t want to come tonite. But I knew I had to come. Just one more problem I’ve inherited from George Bush. [Not a laugh.]
Sasha and Malia aren’t here tonight because they’re grounded. You can’t just take Air Force One on a joyride to Manhattan. I don’t care whose kids you are. We’ve been setting some ground rules here. [He has never apologized to the terrorized folks in New York and New Jersey.]
This is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel — he’s not used to saying the word “day” after mother.
I was saying to Axelrod, David and I have been together a long time…’You and I can do wonderful things together’. And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: ‘Let’s go to Iowa and make it official’.
Michael Steele: Is in the house tonite or as he would say, ‘In the hee-zzee’ .Whazzup?
Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset.
Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he’s working on his memoir, tentatively titled: “How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People”.
He talks about his accomplishments.
Just last week Car & Driver named me Auto Executive of the Year….something I’m very proud of. [I'm sure fired autoworkers thought that was a regular riot.]
We’ve begun to change the culture in Washington. We’ve even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow. Just recently Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House council on Women and Girls. And I do appreciate that Larry’s here tonite, because it is 7 hours passed his bedtime. [not laugh getters -besides being a misogynist it made him sound like a pedophile] Gibbs like that one.
We’ve grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces, like Arlen Specter.
Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too. One day she pulled him aside, and she said, ‘Arlen you know what I always say, If you can’t beat em join em.’ [whistles]
Another thing that’s changed in this new warmer, fuzzier White House and that’s my relationship with Hillary. We had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. The second she got back from Mexico, she pulled me into a hug and a gave me a big kiss and told me I had better get down there myself. [Then he puts his nose up- not much of a laugh getter]
Tries to bring up Hugo Chavez and play it off as a joke but it didn’t work.
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Cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He’s cuddy, warm enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash – every once in awhile he goes charging off into the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble – but enough about Joe Biden.
What we plan to achieve in the next 100 days:
We will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days. It’s gonna big, folks.
I will learn how to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn how to stay on the prompter.
My partisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all we have a lot in common – he is a person of color – although not a color that appears in the natural world. [Laughs the most out of all his jokes.] Wazzup John. [Forget the outreach bud]
House train our dog Bo. Because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him as a fire hydrant. [Laughed]
I will strongly consider losing my cool.
I believe my next 100 days will be so successful that I will complete them in 72 days. And on the 73rd day I will rest.
Some of these things would be funny if he didn’t actually believe it.
——
Then he goes off on his press worship and the real humor begins.
When you are at your best then you help me to be at my best.
Yes. They create all sorts of fiction for him.
You help all of us, who serve at the pleasure at the American People, do our jobs better by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of.
Now that is hysterical. Name just once they have held barry accountable for anything?
And that type of reporting is worth preserving. Not just for your sake – but the public’s.
It is. Too bad it is already extinct. That’s why newspapers are going belly up – their lack of truth and unbiased reporting.
We count on you to make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives and we look to you for truth — even if it’s always an approximation.
Morning Joe. Mika is running the show with bosom buddies Mike Barnicle and Willie Geist. Politico’s Mike Allen is on giving the morning whatever. They get around to mentioning the White House Poetry Slam tonite.
GEIST: What makes a poetry slam rather than a poetry reading?
MIKA: Mike Allen might know.
ALLEN: You know, it’s a fine distinction from a poetry jam…but I think if the president’s there, whatever it is, it’s cool.
Not sure what happened but a bunch of posts never got posted – especially in regards ot this press conference. An ongoing problem that wordpress can’t fix either.
May 1, 2009
barry made a “surprise” appearance at the daily briefing to announce that Justice Souter had called hism to officially announce his retirement.
THE PRESIDENT: Hey. I’m sorry, but Gibbs is screwing this thing up. You know, there’s a job to do — please, everybody, have a seat. There’s a job to do, you got to do it yourself. (Laughter.)
MR. GIBBS: See you guys later. Have a good weekend. (Laughter.)
THE PRESIDENT: This is kind of cool.
MR. GIBBS: It’s way cooler than it seems. (Laughter.)
THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Absolutely.
The reason I’m interrupting Robert is not because he’s not doing a good job — he’s doing an unbelievable job….
Then he read a prepared statement that happened awfully quick for “just got off the phone”.
THE PRESIDENT: …And with that, I would like you to give Robert a tough time again. (Laughter.)
And then something worth laughter. After barry left a someone asked Gibbs if he know barry was coming and Gibbs had a truly funny response. I think it reveals how pist Gibbs was when barry took over his playground and all the kids wanted to play with him instead.
Q Did you know he was coming?
MR. GIBBS: Did I know he was coming? No, I didn’t know he was coming.
No, we would have put a fancy seal up and everything.
Highlighting barry’s need to have that sign in front of him whenever he speaks. And of course this ridiculousness.
The adventures of Reality Rod continue. Now Steven Baldwin, one of the reality show frequenter brothers, says he's willing to speak to the judged to help get Rod to Costa Rica. He has an interesting concept for protest. From Blago's publicist, Glenn Selig:
One of the stars of the upcoming NBC reality show 'Help, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!,' wants to help get former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich in Costa Rica to participate on the show.
Stephen Baldwin says he's willing to go before Judge James Zagel to get permission for Blagojevich to join him in Costa Rica on the show.
"If there's an opportunity to go before the judge and it would help the situation I would be more than happy to go," Baldwin told the former governor who is in L.A. to help promote the reality program airing on NBC in June.
Baldwin said he believes people are innocent until proven guilty so everyone should still be under the assumption that "he's innocent."
The judge ruled earlier this week that he would not alter the conditions of Blagojevich's bond to allow travel to Costa Rica for the reality show. "I would love for Blagojevich to be on the show," Baldwin says. "He would add intensity and spice."
Baldwin, also in L.A. to help promote the new show, says he will start wearing a handmade button on his lapel during interviews that proclaims 'Leggo My Blago.'
With the role of the former governor in the new NBC reality show still unclear, Blagojevich's publicist welcomed the support of the Hollywood actor.
"I think it's great that a Hollywood star like Stephen Baldwin is behind the governor," says Glenn Selig, founder of the PR firm, The Publicity Agency (www.thepublicityagency.com), which represents Blagojevich. "Rod really appreciates his support."
Blagojevich is in Los Angeles with Baldwin and other stars to help promote the upcoming reality show, which he hopes to still have a role in at some point.
He would also add alot of expletives. Check out his "flying" and see his forehead.
Morning Joe and Pat Buchanan are venting their disgust with barry’s good old boy routine with Chavez and laughing much to Mika Brzezinski’s (and I’m sure her father’s) distress. She gets in a good one because they’re in Washington.
Coming back from commercial Pat & Joe are laughing.
JOE: We’re the Neanterthal caucus. Why don’t you all talk about how President Obama is the best thing since Candy Corn and Apple Jacks and snow on a Christmas morn. And we’ll just sit her and smile.
MIKA: I think you should be in cages!
Laughter all around except for Mika who reinterated it.
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