barry tries to speak from the heart and talk “off the cuff” and realizes that isn’t going to work.
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I am Barack Obama. Some of you covered me. All of you voted for me.
Apologies to the FOX table.
I didn’t want to come tonite. But I knew I had to come. Just one more problem I’ve inherited from George Bush. [Not a laugh.]
Sasha and Malia aren’t here tonight because they’re grounded. You can’t just take Air Force One on a joyride to Manhattan. I don’t care whose kids you are. We’ve been setting some ground rules here. [He has never apologized to the terrorized folks in New York and New Jersey.]
This is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel — he’s not used to saying the word “day” after mother.
I was saying to Axelrod, David and I have been together a long time…’You and I can do wonderful things together’. And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: ‘Let’s go to Iowa and make it official’.
Michael Steele: Is in the house tonite or as he would say, ‘In the hee-zzee’ .Whazzup?
Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset.
Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he’s working on his memoir, tentatively titled: “How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People”.
He talks about his accomplishments.
Just last week Car & Driver named me Auto Executive of the Year….something I’m very proud of. [I'm sure fired autoworkers thought that was a regular riot.]
We’ve begun to change the culture in Washington. We’ve even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow. Just recently Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House council on Women and Girls. And I do appreciate that Larry’s here tonite, because it is 7 hours passed his bedtime. [not laugh getters -besides being a misogynist it made him sound like a pedophile] Gibbs like that one.
We’ve grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces, like Arlen Specter.
Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too. One day she pulled him aside, and she said, ‘Arlen you know what I always say, If you can’t beat em join em.’ [whistles]
Another thing that’s changed in this new warmer, fuzzier White House and that’s my relationship with Hillary. We had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. The second she got back from Mexico, she pulled me into a hug and a gave me a big kiss and told me I had better get down there myself. [Then he puts his nose up- not much of a laugh getter]
Tries to bring up Hugo Chavez and play it off as a joke but it didn’t work.
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Cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He’s cuddy, warm enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash – every once in awhile he goes charging off into the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble – but enough about Joe Biden.
What we plan to achieve in the next 100 days:
We will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days. It’s gonna big, folks.
I will learn how to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn how to stay on the prompter.
My partisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all we have a lot in common – he is a person of color – although not a color that appears in the natural world. [Laughs the most out of all his jokes.] Wazzup John. [Forget the outreach bud]
House train our dog Bo. Because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him as a fire hydrant. [Laughed]
I will strongly consider losing my cool.
I believe my next 100 days will be so successful that I will complete them in 72 days. And on the 73rd day I will rest.
Some of these things would be funny if he didn’t actually believe it.
——
Then he goes off on his press worship and the real humor begins.
When you are at your best then you help me to be at my best.
Yes. They create all sorts of fiction for him.
You help all of us, who serve at the pleasure at the American People, do our jobs better by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of.
Now that is hysterical. Name just once they have held barry accountable for anything?
And that type of reporting is worth preserving. Not just for your sake – but the public’s.
It is. Too bad it is already extinct. That’s why newspapers are going belly up – their lack of truth and unbiased reporting.
We count on you to make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives and we look to you for truth — even if it’s always an approximation.
Now there is the truth.
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